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Friday, November 26, 2004
 Notice how they sit right where my nipples are. I swear I'm not trying to be an exhibitionist or a wannabe burlesque showgirl. Thursday, November 25, 2004
Today's thoughts came rather quickly in the half hour it takes for me to get home from my school placement. I've been fascinated with the idea of religion recently. Not necessarily to follow one type of faith, but just a general interest in their institution and belief system. I started reading the Qu'uran from a free copy that was distributed at a reading festival and other books that talk about the Hindu faith. Fascinating. I borrowed books that deal with the different types of Buddhism from the recommendation from a friend of mine and that reading list is getting smaller by the minute. I'm not sure what it is. I'm scared of the words inside the page. What my experience was with that whole belief system. A long time ago I used to go to church thinking that God was the way to salvation. A successful spiritual path. A lot of things led me to believe that was wrong. I abandoned it. I've lived my life as an agnostic. I still believe in the idea of religion and faith, but not necessarily practicing it. I do believe in the many Buddhist doctrines that are out there, but not strongly enough to call myself a Buddhist. I came to think of myself as undeserving of the of the church because I'm not heterosexual. As well as the many other sins I've committed that I thought were unforgivable. As I waited for the students in my last period class I noticed a poster that advertised a hotline for gay, lesbian, bisexual youth or teens that are confused with their sexuality. I think it's great that there's a resource here at a suburb. I started thinking about how almost all of my students are Muslim and Catholic. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my sexuality and of who I am. For some reason I've refrained from really telling everyone about that side of myself in the education program and in the schools. Ok, well, it's not like there's a conversation where you can begin to talk about these sorts of things. So why am I so concerned? I just wonder what my students will think if they knew they were being taught by somebody who their faith tells them to condemn. If I were Muslim I have no idea what I would think. I recently spoke to someone who dropped out of the education program because he was so disheartened by how he was treated implicitly he dropped out of the program. He cautioned me against displaying that side of me. But would that mean I should be ashamed of it? No. But I will be careful in what I say to my fellow teachers. Although there is that hotline and people do talk about these sorts of issues where I live, I'm not sure people will be that accepting of it in schools. I wonder how many people call that hotline. I'd really love to find out. Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Perhaps I'm just stressed. Or PMSing for that matter. Or both. Whatever is causing this is a good thing. At least I tell myself this. I am so close to another big step in my life and it is good that I think about everything I'm concerned about now. Entering the "real world" used to be extremely exciting for me. Having my own place, steady income, total responsibilities sounded great. Now I'm not so sure. That realm for me is scary. Am I going to find a job when I graduate? Did I make a good enough impression in my school placements? What do others think of my skills as a teacher? What do I do when I don't find a job by September? I know these thoughts are normal but I want them to stop. At least for now. I've still got a year left until I graduate. On a lighter note, my good mate in Australia is sending me chicken chips. I have no idea why but I have a little obsession with them. Everytime I went grocery shopping during my stay in Australia I used to buy bags of them. Even bought them for the flight back. I am going to sit paitently by my door for the package to arrive. Then it'd be some good lovin' with me and my chicken chips. He thinks I'm silly for having cravings of something that is halfway across the world from me. So I'm silly. Sue me. Monday, November 22, 2004
Sunday, November 21, 2004
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Lips Like Sugar |