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Monday, October 30, 2006
So was yesterday. I don't know how, but somewhere within the past year I've lost my fighting energy. It feels like, well, I've given up. I have no idea where it all went. I used be such a fighter, stand up for my rights, what I thought was unfair. I started crying when somebody asked me how I came to be obedient. I have no idea why I listen to them, my parents. I have no idea why I keep my mouth shut and submit to [most of] their demands. When did I stop talking back? When did I stop listening to what I wanted? Yesterday was my father's birthday. He didn't seem like he wanted me there. I sat at dinner trying to shut all of them out. My sister, who was trying to talk to me had to repeat everything she said simply because I somehow tuned her out too. Even the fighting in the car after dinner I tuned out. Even this morning when my mom and dad were talking I tuned out. God, I want to tune them out altogether. One more month until I fly to Australia. I'm not sure that's comforting anymore. Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I'm annoyed, really annoyed and frankly I'd like to go jog to take my aggressions out. You know what. I don't like to be blown off, especially yesterday. I don't' like trying to talk to someone and they ignore you. You go to say bye and they don't bother talking to you. Thanks. And today, well I don't like spending even one measly hour with somebody simply because I didn't want to tick them off. So you know what? Screw this. I'm not going to sit around and feel like I'm not wanted. I'm going to have a beer. [update: I'm slightly more empathetic/sympathetic of the situation now. But still.] |
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Lips Like Sugar |